Even Google can’t be trusted in Rio

Río de Janeiro, Brazil

Despite all the foreign office warnings we haven’t been raped or mugged.  Having said that, there are lots of indicators that not everything is always pleasant here… many stores have armed security guards, ATMs stop functioning at 10pm, many restaurants have signs warning patrons to avoid leaving phones and wallets on the tables, apartment entrances with air-gapped double entrances, etc .  The list goes on.

The sad truth is that Rio is a beautiful city with lots of interesting areas, but we have found it hard to completely relax (as we might in other cities) as we are always worried that we’re going to become a mugging victim or worse. (The worst part of which would be proving Neil right. )

Rio feels a bit like two cities in one, but unlike other cities where there are clear demarcations between its parts, in Rio both the safe and the unsafe parts are intermixed.  In some cases, a left or a right turn at a junction can make all the difference.  Our little people are completely clueless to all of this of course. When we’re out walking, they continue talking at us, paying no attention to the fact both Mel and I are focusing all our “primal parenting instincts” on detecting and reacting to signs of danger.   In truth, these instincts need a little more development as on a couple of occasions, we’ve been warned to turn around by helpful street traders. Thankfully the word for “safe” is the same in Spanish and Portuguese, otherwise we would have kept walking with a dismissive “noa abrigado mate”.  

Having said all of this, there are some similarities between Rio and London.  Firstly, people like to queue for stuff, even if it’s not clear what they’re queuing up for.  Adults, particularly those that shouldn’t, also ride electric scooters.  Oh, and it rains a lot. 

We spent our first few nights at a lovely guest house on Galeo island, North of the main action, and we’ve now been staying in Copocabana for the last few.  The family running the guest house were really kind to us and our little people mixed well with theirs and some other guests, but the area was a little quiet.  The main excitement, at least for me, was finding myself in a favela on New Year’s day when I was sent out to find some aloe vera after-sun treatment (Mel and I had had a parenting fail earlier in the day, when we decided to march the little people around in the sun for a few hours without sunscreen).  I did exactly what the foreign office advisory says not to do, and followed Google Maps into a favela in search of the only open pharmacy within a few miles.  I was a few blocks deep into a warren of narrow streets when I realised that things looked quite different, and in any case, I couldn’t find the pharmacy.  Google is not to be trusted.  Luckily for me, I’m a Citizen of the World, so no one recognised I didn’t quite belong and while I had a few people approach and wish me a Happy New Year (I think), I  made a hasty, but not hasty enough to arouse suspicion, exit without incident.  I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little worried, but my underwear remained clean enough to wear the next day.  (Mum, that’s a joke.  I have 5 pairs).

The intersection between “Gluten-free vegetarian Brazilian cuisine” and my Portuguese means we’ve been eating a fairly simple diet – but it’s almost always been tasty.  One exception to this was the Temperarte Palace – my new least favourite restaurant.  We fell victim to the fancy name, the vegetarian buffet menu and the 4.2 stars Google had aggregated from 864 liars.  Mary had declared the food inedible from the outset, but Lucy tried to persevere, insisting that she should still eat the food (she took the message from our earlier visit to the Museum of Tomorrow pretty seriously).  I found myself begging Lucy to not eat her dinner and that she allow me to buy her some pizza instead.  That was a super weird role reversal.

Tomorrow is attempt 3 to visit Christ the Redeemer.   Forces have conspired to thwart our previous attempts, so it’s tomorrow or never.  This landmark is pretty much the only thing Lucy and Mary know of South America (as it’s the thing they remember most from their topic “Rio”), so Mel and I are pretty motivated to get us up there.  Fingers, toes and everything else crossed.

Nick, 6th January 2020